Antidotes to Common Facebook Ailments

It's amazing how quickly a cursory glance at your mini-feed can bring you down. Everyone you know is taking beautiful, exotic vacations that would break your budget. Someone is showing off a beautiful piece of jewelry their partner bought for them, maybe it’s even an engagement ring. Someone else just ran seven miles while you sat on the couch for the entire duration of their warm up, workout and cool down. They burned 750 calories, and all you did was eat 500 while you shoveled a Lean Cuisine and some Easter candy into your mouth. 

It’s impossible to avoid comparing yourself to other people. Even if you thought everything was going great, you may start to question things when all of your Facebook friends seem to be having the best day ever... Every. Single. Day. 

Don’t get me wrong-- I love Facebook. I can keep in touch with people, support my friends’ Kickstarter campaigns, see their beautiful photos, fake childbirth and share articles and hilarious memes with 400 of my BFFs.

But Facebook is like everything else-- wonderful in moderation. And sometimes we need to think consciously about what we’re doing, how it’s making us feel and--yes my fellow narcissistic millennials-- how it’s making other people feel. It's possible that a number of us are having a serious sad because of what surrounds us.

Cheezburger.com

There's even some research showing that people who use Facebook more have lower self esteem, and that certain patterns of use may contribute to disordered eating.

All this from a site that was supposed to be about connecting people? For anyone who’s ever felt a need to step back, may I suggest a few...

ANTIDOTES TO COMMON FACEBOOK AILMENTS

1. Everyone else’s exercise routines-- Posting about your workouts may be a super motivator for you, but unfortunately, it can make some people feel bad. Even worse, I’ve seen some mean-spirited posts making fun of other people or insulting body parts deemed undesirable like “thunder thighs” or flabby arms that more than a few of your FB friends  probably have. 'Cause guess what-- this is real life not an airbrushed copy of Vogue.


The site that we all know and love can be a horrible place to go if you want to feel good about your body. Allow me to share this article called The Whole Concept of “The Beach Body” Is Ridiculous and Here’s Why.”  Read it-- it’s spot on. The writer explains better than I can why I wilt upon seeing posts about fitness goals that are image-focused rather than health-centered. A sneak peak:

“It suggests that beach-ready bodies are a temporary and even unnatural shape that you must force your body to fit -- and that you should be actively seeking anyway. But there’s no such thing as a body that isn’t real.

All bodies are real. Even the ones that look really unfamiliar and strange compared to your own. What’s fake is the expectation that every body is capable of looking a certain way if only you work hard enough at it.”

 On a related note, look at this ridiculous ad from WomensHealth.com. For those who can't see, the opt out message below says "No thanks, I already have a bikini body."

So just to be clear my options here are to 1) Provide my email in order to "get a bikini body." or 2) Opt out because I already have one. Neither of these choices appeals to me. I STLL DON'T KNOW WHAT A BIKINI BODY IS BECAUSE ALL DESCRIPTIONS ARE PROBABLY OFFENSIVE TO MOST PEOPLE.  

2. Everybody’s love life-  “Is it Facebook official?!” is actually something we say to determine whether a relationship is serious or not. I’m not even sure how to respond to that, so I’ll leave it to Willy Wonka:

Call me old fashioned, but I don’t feel comfortable making frequent relationship-related announcements. Sure, an occasional picture is great. We’re adorable! Look! Josh is real, not a figment of my imagination! I’m loveable after all!!! These are charming revelations to share, as long as such proclamations are made occasionally, rather than daily. If you check Josh’s FB wall, you will see no evidence of me in more than a year. (Are we even dating? Now I don't even know.) What would I say that needs to be written publicly? Can I just tell him in person? I do have his phone number after all-- maybe I could try that.

And you know, I am happily in a relationship right now, but I was also happy when I was single. Where are all the happy single people on Facebook? Let’s mix things up a little bit, diversify our content.  Having a fulfilling partnership isn’t the only kind of happiness that’s worth sharing.

3. Keeping up with the Joneses-- I’ve alway held my purse strings tight, but if Facebook is to be believed, I’m doing it wrong. While on the one hand, I feel joyful that my friends and colleagues are prosperous and stimulating the economy with some expensive purchases, vacations, and home loans, it sometimes give me pause. Are people my age wealthy enough to attend fundraisers? Apparently yes!! People who have been employed for eight months can afford a down payment on a home? It would appear so!! They can also afford to furnish said home with brand new, high-quality furniture and forego the typical 20-something hodgepodge of garage sale items? Well, I’ll be!!!

Hey guys-- I’m thrilled for all of us. We are living the high life. But you know what? It’s also okay if some of us are saving, trying to live within our means or “stand in our truths” as financial guru Suze Orman says. 

But somehow, I know that snapping a photo of my 403b contributions or the coupons I brought to Stop and Shop are not welcome in the gilded Facebook reality.

What is it this new digital form of conspicuous consumption? Why are we doing it? If we’re sharing a photo of the addition on our home, for example,  are we doing it because we are genuinely happy and want to share it with others? Then let’s post it. Are we doing it because a part of us feels we have to prove something, to show others that we can, that we’re moving ahead with everyone else, not being left behind? I’m worried that too often, it’s the latter. 

Wouldn't we feel better if we did a little less comparing, criticizing and worrying about what we see on Facebook? That's all I'm saying. (Yes, I know I did just write a whole post criticizing and worrying about what I see. What's your point?)


 Check out Jimmy Kimmel’s 10th Birthday Celebration for this web site we all love to hate:

Feeling All The Feelings During the Olympics So You Don't Have To

We're only a few days into the Olympic Games and I'm feeling emotionally drained. I'm confident that others feel the same. Your comments on my recent Facebook post indicate you share my anxiety about the risk of head and neck injuries during skiing and snowboarding events.

Aren't the Olympics supposed to be uplifting and affirming? Aren't the nations of the world supposed to come together in the spirit of sportsmanship and athleticism? While that may be the goal, I can tell you I'm much less focused on global hand-holding than I am on my skyrocketing blood pressure.

TOP FIVE FEELINGS I'M HAVING WHILE WATCHING THE SOCHI OLYMPICS 

1. Confusion. Perhaps the most benign feeling on this list, but remarkable all the same, is complete confusion. The commentators narrate the event as if I know what's happening. Take curling. You should be starting with a "What is the object of this event" introduction, or perhaps "What led humans to do this in the first place." Next, you might tell me what are the relevant skills that make one good at curling. Trust me, I can't tell by watching.

Furthermore, how does scoring work? I was watching ice dancing and, as a newbie to this delightful, majestic sport, I can confidently say that everyone's performance looks stunning to me, and I have absolutely no way of ranking any performance against another. Rather than assigning a numerical value while zooming in on the competitor's face, please explain to me what is the denominator.  30 seems like a great score, but it may be decidedly less so if it is out of, say, 618.

2. Self loathing. This one is obvious. You're watching cross country skiers gallop up a formidable hill with ease, and you're thinking back to that time two weeks ago when you had to take a break during your half-mile walk to work. You soothe yourself by spooning another quarter cup of cookie dough into your mouth.You never wanted to be an Olympian, anyway.

3. Extreme overconfidence. On the other end of the spectrum, these sort of events can also inspire  a general cockiness which you have no right to feel. What makes you convinced you're an undiscovered natural at the ice luge? Do you have so little respect for the men and women who have dedicated a decade of their life to perfecting their sport? Yes, because THEY'RE JUST LYING THERE. (I stand to be corrected, but please refer to number 1 to understand why this will never happen.)

4. Maternal instincts. I have a lot of feeling for the young, teenage athletes who practice long hours after their school days, hoping to make the Olympic Team. My maternal instincts go into overdrive when they look incredibly young, like this Russian free skater, Julia Lipnitskaia, who is 15 but could pass for 12.

I hope Josh didn't want to hear any of the professional narration of her performance. Instead, he was treated to my stream of consciousness which went something like this:

(Julia appears on the ice) 

Me, speaking to Julia: Oh, honey bunny! You poor little lamb...look at your sweet little face. You look like a middle schooler! Oh, bless your little heart. Oh, sweetie!


With each axle, I clenched my fists to my heart muttering, "Oh, you poor little thing!"

Nevermind that her performance was flawless, that she helped her team win the gold, that she probably has more inner strength in her 15-year-old pinky finger than I have in my substantial 26-year-old frame. Based on nothing, I was convinced the only antidote to her experience was for me to swadddle her in an electric blanket, feed her a re-hydration drink out of a crazy straw, all while reading her a culturally appropriate bedtime story. 
 
1. Anxiety. The skiing and snowboarding events that take place at the Olympics are the devil's work. Doing triple back flips while soaring 300-feet through the air? Hurtling down an icey mountain side at speeds too fast for the highway with craggy rock faces on either side? By the way, some of them are also doing this with Novocaine doses intended for horses injected directly into their bruised knees. I am simply incapable of enjoying these events because I'm preoccupied thinking about all of the doom that could befall them. Paralysis, brain death, torn ligaments, punctured lungs--to name just a few. Call me dramatic, but these fears are well-founded; people are seriously injured doing these things all the time. Why would someone pursue this life when I am standing by, warmly welcoming them into my electric blanket?

Curling is looking better with every passing moment.