Antidotes to Common Facebook Ailments

It's amazing how quickly a cursory glance at your mini-feed can bring you down. Everyone you know is taking beautiful, exotic vacations that would break your budget. Someone is showing off a beautiful piece of jewelry their partner bought for them, maybe it’s even an engagement ring. Someone else just ran seven miles while you sat on the couch for the entire duration of their warm up, workout and cool down. They burned 750 calories, and all you did was eat 500 while you shoveled a Lean Cuisine and some Easter candy into your mouth. 

It’s impossible to avoid comparing yourself to other people. Even if you thought everything was going great, you may start to question things when all of your Facebook friends seem to be having the best day ever... Every. Single. Day. 

Don’t get me wrong-- I love Facebook. I can keep in touch with people, support my friends’ Kickstarter campaigns, see their beautiful photos, fake childbirth and share articles and hilarious memes with 400 of my BFFs.

But Facebook is like everything else-- wonderful in moderation. And sometimes we need to think consciously about what we’re doing, how it’s making us feel and--yes my fellow narcissistic millennials-- how it’s making other people feel. It's possible that a number of us are having a serious sad because of what surrounds us.

Cheezburger.com

There's even some research showing that people who use Facebook more have lower self esteem, and that certain patterns of use may contribute to disordered eating.

All this from a site that was supposed to be about connecting people? For anyone who’s ever felt a need to step back, may I suggest a few...

ANTIDOTES TO COMMON FACEBOOK AILMENTS

1. Everyone else’s exercise routines-- Posting about your workouts may be a super motivator for you, but unfortunately, it can make some people feel bad. Even worse, I’ve seen some mean-spirited posts making fun of other people or insulting body parts deemed undesirable like “thunder thighs” or flabby arms that more than a few of your FB friends  probably have. 'Cause guess what-- this is real life not an airbrushed copy of Vogue.


The site that we all know and love can be a horrible place to go if you want to feel good about your body. Allow me to share this article called The Whole Concept of “The Beach Body” Is Ridiculous and Here’s Why.”  Read it-- it’s spot on. The writer explains better than I can why I wilt upon seeing posts about fitness goals that are image-focused rather than health-centered. A sneak peak:

“It suggests that beach-ready bodies are a temporary and even unnatural shape that you must force your body to fit -- and that you should be actively seeking anyway. But there’s no such thing as a body that isn’t real.

All bodies are real. Even the ones that look really unfamiliar and strange compared to your own. What’s fake is the expectation that every body is capable of looking a certain way if only you work hard enough at it.”

 On a related note, look at this ridiculous ad from WomensHealth.com. For those who can't see, the opt out message below says "No thanks, I already have a bikini body."

So just to be clear my options here are to 1) Provide my email in order to "get a bikini body." or 2) Opt out because I already have one. Neither of these choices appeals to me. I STLL DON'T KNOW WHAT A BIKINI BODY IS BECAUSE ALL DESCRIPTIONS ARE PROBABLY OFFENSIVE TO MOST PEOPLE.  

2. Everybody’s love life-  “Is it Facebook official?!” is actually something we say to determine whether a relationship is serious or not. I’m not even sure how to respond to that, so I’ll leave it to Willy Wonka:

Call me old fashioned, but I don’t feel comfortable making frequent relationship-related announcements. Sure, an occasional picture is great. We’re adorable! Look! Josh is real, not a figment of my imagination! I’m loveable after all!!! These are charming revelations to share, as long as such proclamations are made occasionally, rather than daily. If you check Josh’s FB wall, you will see no evidence of me in more than a year. (Are we even dating? Now I don't even know.) What would I say that needs to be written publicly? Can I just tell him in person? I do have his phone number after all-- maybe I could try that.

And you know, I am happily in a relationship right now, but I was also happy when I was single. Where are all the happy single people on Facebook? Let’s mix things up a little bit, diversify our content.  Having a fulfilling partnership isn’t the only kind of happiness that’s worth sharing.

3. Keeping up with the Joneses-- I’ve alway held my purse strings tight, but if Facebook is to be believed, I’m doing it wrong. While on the one hand, I feel joyful that my friends and colleagues are prosperous and stimulating the economy with some expensive purchases, vacations, and home loans, it sometimes give me pause. Are people my age wealthy enough to attend fundraisers? Apparently yes!! People who have been employed for eight months can afford a down payment on a home? It would appear so!! They can also afford to furnish said home with brand new, high-quality furniture and forego the typical 20-something hodgepodge of garage sale items? Well, I’ll be!!!

Hey guys-- I’m thrilled for all of us. We are living the high life. But you know what? It’s also okay if some of us are saving, trying to live within our means or “stand in our truths” as financial guru Suze Orman says. 

But somehow, I know that snapping a photo of my 403b contributions or the coupons I brought to Stop and Shop are not welcome in the gilded Facebook reality.

What is it this new digital form of conspicuous consumption? Why are we doing it? If we’re sharing a photo of the addition on our home, for example,  are we doing it because we are genuinely happy and want to share it with others? Then let’s post it. Are we doing it because a part of us feels we have to prove something, to show others that we can, that we’re moving ahead with everyone else, not being left behind? I’m worried that too often, it’s the latter. 

Wouldn't we feel better if we did a little less comparing, criticizing and worrying about what we see on Facebook? That's all I'm saying. (Yes, I know I did just write a whole post criticizing and worrying about what I see. What's your point?)


 Check out Jimmy Kimmel’s 10th Birthday Celebration for this web site we all love to hate:

Feeling All The Feelings During the Olympics So You Don't Have To

We're only a few days into the Olympic Games and I'm feeling emotionally drained. I'm confident that others feel the same. Your comments on my recent Facebook post indicate you share my anxiety about the risk of head and neck injuries during skiing and snowboarding events.

Aren't the Olympics supposed to be uplifting and affirming? Aren't the nations of the world supposed to come together in the spirit of sportsmanship and athleticism? While that may be the goal, I can tell you I'm much less focused on global hand-holding than I am on my skyrocketing blood pressure.

TOP FIVE FEELINGS I'M HAVING WHILE WATCHING THE SOCHI OLYMPICS 

1. Confusion. Perhaps the most benign feeling on this list, but remarkable all the same, is complete confusion. The commentators narrate the event as if I know what's happening. Take curling. You should be starting with a "What is the object of this event" introduction, or perhaps "What led humans to do this in the first place." Next, you might tell me what are the relevant skills that make one good at curling. Trust me, I can't tell by watching.

Furthermore, how does scoring work? I was watching ice dancing and, as a newbie to this delightful, majestic sport, I can confidently say that everyone's performance looks stunning to me, and I have absolutely no way of ranking any performance against another. Rather than assigning a numerical value while zooming in on the competitor's face, please explain to me what is the denominator.  30 seems like a great score, but it may be decidedly less so if it is out of, say, 618.

2. Self loathing. This one is obvious. You're watching cross country skiers gallop up a formidable hill with ease, and you're thinking back to that time two weeks ago when you had to take a break during your half-mile walk to work. You soothe yourself by spooning another quarter cup of cookie dough into your mouth.You never wanted to be an Olympian, anyway.

3. Extreme overconfidence. On the other end of the spectrum, these sort of events can also inspire  a general cockiness which you have no right to feel. What makes you convinced you're an undiscovered natural at the ice luge? Do you have so little respect for the men and women who have dedicated a decade of their life to perfecting their sport? Yes, because THEY'RE JUST LYING THERE. (I stand to be corrected, but please refer to number 1 to understand why this will never happen.)

4. Maternal instincts. I have a lot of feeling for the young, teenage athletes who practice long hours after their school days, hoping to make the Olympic Team. My maternal instincts go into overdrive when they look incredibly young, like this Russian free skater, Julia Lipnitskaia, who is 15 but could pass for 12.

I hope Josh didn't want to hear any of the professional narration of her performance. Instead, he was treated to my stream of consciousness which went something like this:

(Julia appears on the ice) 

Me, speaking to Julia: Oh, honey bunny! You poor little lamb...look at your sweet little face. You look like a middle schooler! Oh, bless your little heart. Oh, sweetie!


With each axle, I clenched my fists to my heart muttering, "Oh, you poor little thing!"

Nevermind that her performance was flawless, that she helped her team win the gold, that she probably has more inner strength in her 15-year-old pinky finger than I have in my substantial 26-year-old frame. Based on nothing, I was convinced the only antidote to her experience was for me to swadddle her in an electric blanket, feed her a re-hydration drink out of a crazy straw, all while reading her a culturally appropriate bedtime story. 
 
1. Anxiety. The skiing and snowboarding events that take place at the Olympics are the devil's work. Doing triple back flips while soaring 300-feet through the air? Hurtling down an icey mountain side at speeds too fast for the highway with craggy rock faces on either side? By the way, some of them are also doing this with Novocaine doses intended for horses injected directly into their bruised knees. I am simply incapable of enjoying these events because I'm preoccupied thinking about all of the doom that could befall them. Paralysis, brain death, torn ligaments, punctured lungs--to name just a few. Call me dramatic, but these fears are well-founded; people are seriously injured doing these things all the time. Why would someone pursue this life when I am standing by, warmly welcoming them into my electric blanket?

Curling is looking better with every passing moment.

Canada Dry Ain't Got Nothin' On Me

Over the summer, Josh and I dined at Blue Ginger, an Asian fusion restaurant owned by the adorable Ming Tsai, who you may also know from one of his PBS Shows, Simply Ming. 

Photo from Ming.com

 Among the many culinary delights we experienced was a homemade ginger ale, which immediately sparked our interest. Please stifle your chortles. We may be 70-year-old retirees in the bodies of attractive, svelte, twenty-somethings, but you're the one reading a blog about it.

So anyway, today on yet another wintry, wet weekend, we decided it was finally time to try our hand at a homemade ginger ale. We followed this recipe, reducing  the portions a bit to accommodate two people and a limited ginger supply:

• 2 cups (about 10 ounces) coarsely chopped, peeled fresh ginger
• 3 strips lemon peel (about 4 inches each), yellow part only
• 1-1/2 cups (about) sugar
• 3 quarts chilled club soda
• Ice cubes 

So first, you must peel and chop the ginger.

 Then, you add the chopped ginger to the water and bring to rolling boil, then turn it down to continue simmering for 10 minutes. Play Farkle while you wait.

 Add sugar and then stir CONSTANTLY for 15 minutes.

Strain the mixture, let it cool, and then pour it into a vessel. Store in the refrigerator until cool. Can be kept for a week.

Over ice, mix with club soda in a 4:1 ratio.

Result: HEAVEN ON EARTH. Much less sweet than canned soda, full of authentic, spicy ginger flavor, and you can ratchet the amount of ginger syrup up or down depending on what you prefer.  I would also like to point out that I think this would be excellent with gin and mint in the summer. Please plan to come by and have a drink with me.

Enjoy!

Wandering New Hampshire

Despite popular belief, Josh and I have not limited ourselves to travel only within Massachusetts, even if this exploration has dominated most of our travel time as of late. The weekend before Christmas, we drove up to North Conway in New Hampshire, to explore the offerings of the Granite State. Josh knows this area well, and served as an excellent tour guide, shuttling me to all the most stunning natural wonders and satisfying culinary treats. Here are a few highlights.

1) Lodging. We stayed at the 1785 Inn, named so because the original part of the building was built that year. Talk about charming. You can choose from rooms with or without private bathrooms and/or views of Mt. Washington in the distance. With simple furnishing and cozy beds, the rooms stay partly true to the 18th century and are free of televisions (but with indoor plumbing, electricity and Wifi!). The walls are thin, so you'd best hope the neighbors next door are quiet. Wonderfully though, there was no noise from the restaurant downstairs, which brings me to my next point....

The restaurant. It's highly ranked and well known in the area for its exceptional menu and unusual offerings. The wine lists boasts hundreds of choices, and if the $500 bill in your wallet is troublesome, you can easily dispose of it here on a single bottle. We started with elk sausage, cooked rare and served over shitake mushrooms and cheddar cheese. Our main courses were more traditional-- veal cutlets and bacon-wrapped beef tenderloin, but if you wanted rabbit or venison, you could get it here. The dessert menu features flaming cocktails (lit on fire tableside), and the bar across the hall had dozens of warm winter booze-infused coffee and cider drinks. Happy Holidays indeed!

2) Food about town. I could not write about this trip with any sort of journalistic integrity without telling you that we ate ourselves silly. I never imagined the White Mountains to be an outstanding food destination, but there's certainly an abundance of excellent meals to be had here. One recommendation would be ribs at the Red Parka. Now, when traveling with a Boston-accented companion, you might assume he is saying "Red Parker" but indeed, the name refers to the winter jacket. We dined in an old caboose and devoured the best ribs I've ever had.

And a note on the drinks about town... carding is not really a thing in the Granite State. Either my crow's feet are growing more prominent, or they simply do not care to enforce drinking laws. I think it's the latter-- we were in the Live Free or Die state, after all.

3) Sights and hikes. Josh, in all of his innocent wonder, is slowly trying to turn me into a lover of snow and winter weather, and this trip marked a serious transition. When properly attired, a hike in the snow really does hold a magic all its own. We visited Diana's Bath, a beautiful rocky waterfall in Bartlett. Afterward, we went on a longer hike on trails nearby the Willey House, another local landmark. In 1826, the nearby Saco River began to rise, and the family left the home to escape. Then they were buried in a landslide and the house ended up being untouched. Woopsie Daisy. 

4) Adventure Before a reluctant return home on Sunday, we headed to Gorham, NH to snowmobile. I'd never been and was quietly unconvinced that this was a very interesting activity to be doing. BUT WOW IS IT FUN. We rented a double, and took turns driving, although I was more than happy to spend most of my time in the back seat. More snow coated the ground there, only about 20 minutes north from where we were staying, but it made for some good snowmobiling conditions. I was rather alarmed by the lack of instruction by the guide ("This one's go, this one's stop... see you back here at 1pm"). But alas, Josh knew what he was doing, so we were able to take in some stunning mountain views, spot fresh moose tracks and generally enjoy the day without incident.

5) The Ultimate Winter Wonderland Adventure at Nestlenook Farm We went on a horse-drawn sleigh ride, led by two horses (complete with jingle bells) through wooded paths lit by lanterns. It was pretty much the most charming thing ever.

Great Expectations: Gift Guide for the Young Professional Pauper

There you are, young Pip, standing among the holiday lights, shivering in your patched jacket, and wondering what you can buy with a single sixpence. This is the season of giving, after all, and you want to celebrate too. What's a pauper to do when everything seems so desperately out of reach?

Don't despair, my peasant! I have several excellent gifts in mind that even you--yes you!-- can afford. We've gotten too caught up in trying to Keep Up with the Joneses to stop and appreciate the beautiful simplicity of a thoughtful gift. It's your turn to snap your social circle back to reality.

1) The gift of music. I can hear the bumpkin chorus chime, "But Miss Catherine, we can't afford fancy guitars, or iPods, or even a harmonica." I know that, bumpkins! But you can afford to make handmade instrument using a shoe box, rubber bands, and other found objects. And you know what? This is considered classy! Even Martha Stewart does it (and who can blame her, someone had to fill that jail cell with light and love through the art of craftmaking). This art form is not just for kids either; a determined pauper can create something truly lovely. Observe:

 2) What about the gift of life? And of course, the question that naturally follows is, "What is the cheapest kind of life I can buy?" The answer is: minnows. Tiny little fish. In case you can't read the price tag in the picture because you're unable to afford glasses, it says 13 cents. Thirteen cents! Grab a mason jar, fill it with some water fresh from the well, and you'll provide your loved ones with endless hours of natural wonder. Added bonus: if times get tough, your buddies can fry these suckers up or use them as bait on the next group turtle hunt. Truly a gift that keeps on giving.
























3) I don't mean to talk down to you, Pip. You're not destitute after all, just on a budget. But in trying to be strict with your finances, it's important to know when to say to when. At some point, that sixpence will be spent, and you'll have to get extra creative with the remainder of your Christmas gifts.

Have you heard the term "found objects"? Now, this is what people these days are calling what used to be known as "junk" or "trash." But in the era of the Great Recession, these terms have been re-branded to mean "delightful quirky things we find in trash receptacles and re-purpose." The very rich and privileged use this trash to create art, but you're just a second-class scalawag, so get off your high horses and choose something more within your reach. I'm wondering if you'd consider fashioning a shoelace necklace?

If you're not following exactly what I mean by found objects (and really who could blame you), use your wide peasant hands to navigate yourself to Wikipedia like the rest of the world. Or, read this article about a woman who basically followed my advice to the letter by opening a shop full of other people's rubbish. That, Pip, is called living the dream.

The important thing to remember is that you're capable of anything, young professional pauper. Don't let your empty pockets get you down. He who is truly blessed by the spirit of giving will find ways to be generous no matter the circumstance. So get out there! You might be too skinny to be considered jolly, but try belching out a few ho-ho-ho's to lighten the mood. Pet a reindeer! Eat a cookie you find left on a plate, any plate. 'Tis the season!