See you around

Freshman year at SU, when I was still figuring out how to make friends and navigate university life, I often thought about how everyone said college would be the best four years of my life. At the time, I didn't believe it, and I sincerely hoped it wasn't true. I would stare out my dorm window at menacing gray skies, cold slabs of concrete, and huddled kids running from dorm to dining hall through the freezing rain. The outlook seemed grim. If the best four years of my life meant exhaustion, awkward living situations, and unfulfilling academics, then whatever was coming after graduation must be incredibly bleak.

Well four years later, my opinions have definitely changed. I graduated last weekend, and for the past few days, have said goodbye to some of my best friends. The moment I waited for for so long--getting a diploma and moving on--was suddenly the moment I dreaded the most. The summer before I arrived here, when I was worried about buying the right books, taking the best classes, and picking the most fitting majors, I remember my father told me that my line of thinking was way off base. He said college isn't so much about what you learn. It's who you meet and what you do that make the lasting impressions. Of course, I'm incredibly grateful for my education. In my time here, my mind has been tugged, stretched, pulled and expanded. I've gotten good at things I didn't know I could do and filled my brain with perspective and skills I'll use forever.

But leaving the classroom behind isn't what makes you cry. It's leaving the people. My dad was right about this one. I can get a degree in a lot of places, in a bunch of different ways. But I couldn't have made the friends or lived the life I did here anywhere else, and I'll never live like this again. A dozen friends won't live down the block, always ready to come over and watch a movie and split a bottle (box) of wine. There is no real-world equivalent to lying on the quad or heading to the bar and seeing every person on campus you know. Staying up until 3 a.m. to finish assignments has much less appeal when there's no one sitting next to you, sharing coffee and filling you in on Facebook updates.

So yes, leaving all of this is hard. Watching people slowly trickle away from campus is depressing. Packing up all over your things for the last time brings back every memory and makes you wish for just a few more days.

But there is relief. We're sad because we had four great years here. We're weepy and on edge because we're saying goodbye to people we love, people we didn't know a couple of years ago, but now, we can't fathom going more than a few weeks without them. We're crying when we say goodbye because we're so happy we got to be here, with each other. We lived a little bit, we learned a lot, and we're leaving with thousands of memories.

So it hurts to go. It's unbelievable that our time here is over. When I arrived freshman year, I felt like I was in the wrong place. Now I walk through campus and resent that a new class is coming in, and it's time to loosen my grip on a university and neighborhood that feels so familiar.

But every time I feel sad about it, I remember that the reason I feel that way is because I'm so grateful to have people and a place to be sad about leaving. When I pack up my last bag next week, the only thing I'll be able to think is how lucky I am to have been here.