Mendon Drive-In

I love making up statistics, and I make an effort to do it as often as possible. People generally fail to question me, and even better, this premeditated fabrication makes me sound more informed than I am. Which is why I would love to tell you that there are only 63 drive-ins left in the United States. That sounds feasible, right? I mean, this isn't the Eisenhower administration.

But I also went to journalism school, and they mentioned something about checking facts sometimes? Because I guess things are supposed to be true, and Catherine the Greatest is a news source, right? You wouldn't believe how many 3 a.m. phone calls I get from CNN. I haz mad scoops, yo.

Anyoo. That was just my roundabout way of telling you that there are actually 365 drive-ins open in the U.S., according to an unreliable source. So maybe you're thinking that the Mendon drive-in isn't that special. But it is. Look at what we got from the snack bar:

In case my photography skills are lacking, or the hand model failed to display the goods effectively, those are sausage, pepper and onion sandwiches, freedom fries, and diet Cokes. If you bought this at a regular movie theater, it would probably cost you between $45 and a down-payment on a modest home. This is also a lie because Showcase Cinemas doesn't know what's good for it, and refuses to offer this kind of culinary delicacy.

I can tell you that for just a couple dollars more than the cost of two adult admissions in a regular theater, the drive-in will admit as many people as you can fit into your car for not one, but two movies. That's $25/car for people who are having trouble following me. Is that everyone? Maybe we should break this down into a list:

DRIVE-INS FOR DUMMIES:

1. Get caffeinated. The first movie doesn't start til sunset, which is close to nine o'clock. If you are planning to stay for both movies, make sure to bring some family-friendly stimulants because you won't be rolling back onto the mean streets of Mendon until close to one a.m.

2.Bring a sweatshirt or a blanket to spread across your vehicles bench seat because it gets chilly. And also, since this blog is apparently for retirees, remember we are old and can catch a chill much more quickly than we used to! For the kids: if you packed your mother's minivan full of six of your best high school buds, bring chairs or blankets so you can spread out on the grassy knoll surrounding you. But no funny business, and keep your hands where I can see them. Also, please drive carefully. Life is not a video game.


3. While I've been told that it's inappropriate to provide running commentary in a traditional move theater, this might be an option for you in comfort of your Chevy Malibu if your companions allow. Drive-ins are also ideal settings for movies where you might want to sing-a-long, or feel that you will become so overwhelmed with the storyline that shouting, thrashing, or tomato throwing might occur. Please remember your windshield is in front of you, and tomato splashback is a risk.

So that's it. I don't know what more you could possibly want to know. As for the embedded CTG correspondents ( and unpaid interns) I have scattered throughout our great nation, what can you tell me about the drive-ins in your area?  The comments section is open.