For the past two years, I have worked in the residence halls at SU. Essentially my only responsibility is to sort mail and log packages, so residents know when they have something to pick up. You can imagine, a lot of great things come through the mail room-- and for a person as nosy as me, some days are paradise. I bring you now...
Never-stale: An insider's look at the world of snail mail
The Good:
1) Reading post cards from parents who vacation in tropical locations. All of the "wish you were heres" in the world can't make up for the fact that your mom and dad are in Tahiti and you are nestled into your study carrel in the library for the fourth night in a row. Outside, subfreezing winds howl, and inside, you are crying.
2) Mothers who write cutesy things in the spots for the return address. (Most keep their real addresses).
Mom's Awesome Care Packages!
150 Main Street,
WhoLovesYou, NY 90210
3) Friends from other colleges who adorn letters with stickers and inside jokes. Yes, I do read them. And so does the 50-something-year-old mail man who thinks your doodles of various parts of the male anatomy are absolutely dazzling.
The Bad:
1) Packages or letters that arrive smelling so strongly of smoke you would swear the Marlboro man came back to life and is pen pals with the recipient.
2) The morons who address things to "The best friend in the world!" or "My most beautiful daughter!" with no other discerning address or mailbox number, thus making the item impossible to put into a mailbox. I like to get snotty when residents come down and angrily inquire about the location of the package their BFF mailed "like, seriously, two weeks ago." I smile bitterly and say, "Well, I had a sneaking suspicion you were THE BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, but please next time ask your friend to write your name. Last time I checked, there was no one registered in this building under the name she provided."
The Ugly:
1) I hate putting Victoria's Secret catalogs in boy's mailboxes. Because you just know.
1) Reading post cards from parents who vacation in tropical locations. All of the "wish you were heres" in the world can't make up for the fact that your mom and dad are in Tahiti and you are nestled into your study carrel in the library for the fourth night in a row. Outside, subfreezing winds howl, and inside, you are crying.
2) Mothers who write cutesy things in the spots for the return address. (Most keep their real addresses).
Mom's Awesome Care Packages!
150 Main Street,
WhoLovesYou, NY 90210
3) Friends from other colleges who adorn letters with stickers and inside jokes. Yes, I do read them. And so does the 50-something-year-old mail man who thinks your doodles of various parts of the male anatomy are absolutely dazzling.
The Bad:
1) Packages or letters that arrive smelling so strongly of smoke you would swear the Marlboro man came back to life and is pen pals with the recipient.
2) The morons who address things to "The best friend in the world!" or "My most beautiful daughter!" with no other discerning address or mailbox number, thus making the item impossible to put into a mailbox. I like to get snotty when residents come down and angrily inquire about the location of the package their BFF mailed "like, seriously, two weeks ago." I smile bitterly and say, "Well, I had a sneaking suspicion you were THE BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, but please next time ask your friend to write your name. Last time I checked, there was no one registered in this building under the name she provided."
The Ugly:
1) I hate putting Victoria's Secret catalogs in boy's mailboxes. Because you just know.
2) Packages that you can tell are filled with pills. You have no idea how badly I want to know what that medication is and whether it was prescribed by a doctor or illegally ordered from Mexico. I also want to know if I can have some.
(note: any "illegal" activities recorded within are purely works of fiction and the result of the overactive imagination of the writer.)
