TOP 10 CELEBRITIES I WOULD INAPPROPRIATELY HUG IF I RAN INTO THEM ON THE STREET
- Jo Frost. For those unfamiliar, she is better known as Supernanny. There is something special about the way this woman takes charge and brings comfort, strength and happiness back to families with her signature ease and charm. I know if I spent 10 minutes with her she would have my life all straightened out.
- Morgan Freeman. I love this man. I love his wise, burning eyes and the ease with which he will say something very inappropriate but it will come out sounding like the finest compliment you've ever been paid. Note to self: Don't hug Morgan too fervently, he's old.
- Natalie Portman. How can you not love this girl? She gives hope to young women everywhere that it's possible to be outrageously intelligent, but also successful and ridiculously attractive. I think Natalie would probably not like it very much if I hugged her, but she is so tiny and would fit nicely in my lumbering, burly arms.
- Peter Jennings. Peter left us years ago, but my affection for him lives on stronger than ever. I'll get you in Heaven, Peter. Wait for me at the gates.
- Penelope Cruz. I love her accent, and that her family's nickname for her is "Pene," which is Spanish for a discrete part of the male anatomy. If you catch my drift. You must appreciate a lady who puts up with such foolishness. She makes me laugh for no reason and I feel an odd compulsion to bake for her and brush my fingers through her hair. (Please do not judge me)
- Celine Dion. I don't need to explain this one. But if the videos I've seen lately, which show Celine as having LOST HER MARBLES, are any indication, I think she would probably hug me back. And maybe kiss me on the neck. Which, for the record, I would not enjoy.
- Tom Hanks. He is the gentlest, most good-natured man ever. If my child was in peril, I would ask Tom Hanks for help. And he would help me because he is that nice of a man. Then I would hug him and hold him close until he confessed that wewere even more like peas and carrots than Forrest and Jenny were.
- Richard Gere. Unfaithful, anyone? Runaway Bride? I love his crinkly eyes and formerly-premature gray hair. We would go out for drinks in an entirely platonic way and at the end of the night I would bury my face in the folds of his pea coat.
- Gregory Smith. He played Ephram on the WB's cancelled "Everwood" (best show ever). He perfected the nervous, quirky smart boy act and every girl with half a brain wanted Ephram to love her, even if he was being a pompous ass most of the time.
- Britney Spears. A hug from me may be the last thing to save this girl. I would grab her and hold her close, swaying my hips violently and rubbing her back until she broke down sobbing and promised to let me help her. I hope I am taller than Britney Spears, otherwise this will be awkward.



