Trying your patience more than ever before

Soooo, have you guys looked through your spam folder lately? It's a treasure chest. I was flipping through mine earlier this week and was so delighted by what I found, I would be remiss to keep such pure joy from you.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Sender: Russian Brides
Subject: HAVE YOU SEEN THE WOMEN IN RUSSIA?!?!?!?! Click here and meet HOT Russian Woman.

Rebuttal: Well. I don't know about you guys, but when I read Sarah Plain and Tall in fifth grade, I fell in love with the idea of becoming a mail-order bride. I'm quite sure that's the exact opposite of what the author intended, as the idea of someone, well, you know, sending for you like I send for LLBean outerwear, isn't exactly the height of feminine liberation. But hey, I was 10, and it seemed like a good idea. If I was delivered and my new hubby didn't take a shine to me, it would be too late. And, once he saw how handily I could build sod houses and control plains fires, he'd learn to love me.

Note: I had seven of these Russian Bride e-mails on the first page of my spam folder. How does Google know me so well?

Subject: Peter Larry
Subject: We don't care about your score; you'll be approved.

Rebuttal: How nice of you, sir, but if I may say...not such a good idea for your business. Please see The Housing Bubble and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Year.

Sender: Resveratrol
Subject: Can you live to 150?

Rebuttal: Oh God, I hope not.

Sender: Sell Your Gold
Subject: Ed McMahon got top dollar for his unwanted gold. Learn to make instant cash with Cash4Gold.

Rebuttal: A great example of an advertiser targeting exactly the right audience. Every day after interminable hours of college classes, when I sit down to eat whatever frozen dinner entree was on sale that week, nestled inside several layers of threadbare clothes to keep me warm in a house that's nearly too expensive to heat, I sigh and think to myself, "I just have too much gold."

So everyone, take a look through your spam folder. You never know, maybe you'll find a wife.

Editor's Note: This is the blog's 100th post!