In the last month, I've been reading voraciously, binging on lighter fare than college classes usually allow, and enjoying every minute of it. I review things rather rarely at Catherine the Greatest, but I plan to do more of it, so I think it's time to introduce an official rating system: the royal crown! Let's use a 1-5 crown scale. Here are the highlights of what I've read.
Title: Thirteen Reasons Why
Author: Jay Asher
Plot: High-schooler Hannah Baker committed suicide, but before she did, she recorded and mailed 13 audio tapes to each person who played a role in the circumstances of her suicide, for better or worse. Audio tape transcripts are intermingled with the narration of Clay Jensen, one of Hannah's classmates and a recipient of the tapes. He spends an afternoon and night listening to all of the them, visiting the locations Hannah tells him to, and listens to her story unravel. Clay was always friendly to Hannah, and is tortured by thinking that he could have made her depression worse. Asher succeeds in writing a heartbreaking, affecting story that readers won't soon forget.
Takeaway: I didn't realize when I ordered the book from half.com that it was a young-adult novel. It soon became obvious through the level of writing, but adult readers shouldn't be steered away. It's a compelling, gripping novel that I finished in a couple of afternoons, and is definitely a must-have for high-school libraries. It will make you rethink the way you treat other people, and remind you that you never really know anyone's whole story. Asher is brave to cover such a heavy topic that all too often is ignored.
Rating: ♔♔♔♔
Title: I am the messenger
Author: Markus Zusak
Plot: Nineteen-year-old Ed Kennedy is a cab driver who feels like a directionless failure. After being held up at a bank, where he proves himself a local hero, he starts receiving playing cards in the mail with no explanation. Each card has three clues or addresses, and Ed has to find out what message he must to deliver to every person. By helping others, Ed find himself and a new confidence that comes with feeling needed. All of his missions are heartening and the relationships he builds are realistic. Zusak has knack for explaining the human condition simply and beautifully in just a few sentences, while other authors spend lifetimes and fill reams of paper trying to get it just right.
Takeaway: My friend's mother teaches high-school English and says she divides this novel in sections, as if each of Ed's mission is its own short story. It's an effective way to teach this novel which ultimately fails to hold itself together. The book ends abruptly and disappointingly, after having maintained taught suspense throughout. I only really read it because I'm obsessed with Zusak's The Book Thief. So if you're going to read anything, read that one. It will be the best thing you read all year.
Rating: ♔♔♔
Title: The Year of Magical Thinking
Author: Joan Didion
Plot: John Dunne, Didion's husband, dies suddenly on New Year's Eve, after the couple returns from visiting their comatose daughter in a New York hospital. Didion chronicles her year of grief, and the constant struggle to think logically during a time when she admits she was hardly sane.
Takeaway: One of the most beautifully written books I've ever read. Didion is one our greatest living authors, and you'll see why. She can put words to some of the most unspeakable, senseless human emotion, making your heart ache and mind reel. At times, I put the book down just so I could absorb the sheer weight of her words.
Rating: ♔♔♔♔♔
Title: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society
Author: by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows
Plot: Author Juliet Ashton is researching topics for a new book, and gets in touch with several residents of Guernsey, an English Channel island that was occupied by Germany during World War II. The book unfolds through the letters she writes to the island's residents, and those they right back. At times the letters jump from subject to subject, from weightier war stories to charming tales of island living, but they're always lively, absorbing and entertaining.
Takeaway: You have to read this. It is an intellectual's answer to light reading, filled with researched history, simple love stories, and vibrant, lovable characters. You'll be sad to leave them when you finish this book.
Rating: ♔♔♔♔
Title: My Sister's Keeper
Author: Jodi Picoult
Plot: Thirteen-year-old Anna was originally conceived to be a genetic match for her sister Kate, who was suffering from leukemia. Having spent her entire life saving Kate's by giving marrow, blood, and now a propose kidney, Anna decides to sue for medical emancipation from her parents. Anna, her mother, father, brother Jesse, sister Kate, lawyer Campbell, and a court-appointed guardian at litem take turns narrating this page-turning medical/legal drama. The toll Anna's case and Kate's illness take on the family is explored in fascinating emotional depth, and will leave you thinking about how easy it is for family members to become so emotionally and morally distant from each other, and what it takes to fix it.
Takeaway: I'd heard a lot about Jodi Picoult but never read one of her novels, thinking they were a fluffier than what I usually am drawn to. But after reading this one, I'll be seeking out all of her other books. Her characters are so richly drawn, you empathize with all of them, and the quality of her writing is unmatched by most other bestselling authors. My Sister's Keeper is a perfect summer read; it'll have you up until three o'clock in the morning.
Rating: ♔♔♔♔♔
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
More abominations from your local Kiss station
I've written before about my confusion and distaste for crass pop-music lyrics. Do people not think about what they're singing? Are listeners just bopping around, thinking that it's okay to hum along to the overtly sexual lyrics pulsating through the virginal ear drums of the soccer team in the back of the minivan? I hate to sound like an old codger, but I'm already thinking that if I ever have children (ick), I'll be one of those parents who only lets them listen to the family-friendly soft rock stations. I don't want my eight year old to so much as ask me to kiss them thru the phone, nevermind asking when they'll be old enough to date go-go dancers and rent yachts. Who am I kidding? By the time I have kids, maybe radio will be dead. Looks like they'll be hearing the 7-hour long Celine playlist I have so lovingly crafted. If you remain unconvinced of the rapid degeneration of pop music lyrics, please join me as we take a stroll through the sordid modern day Top 40 Scene.
I'll start with the song I find most egregiously offensive, Lady Gaga's "Love Game." It's a well-known fact that Lady Gaga is certifiably insane, so maybe we can't expect her to have a conscience, or a brain...or integrity. Let's look at the following:
I'm on a mission
And it involves some heavy touching, yeah
You've indicated you're interest
I'm educated in sex, yes
Now I want it bad, want it bad
A love game, a love game
Uh, alrighty. Well, in case you weren't entirely sure what Lady G had been leading up to in the preceding verses, she's here to let you know it involves some heavy touching. I do wish that whoever wrote these fine lyrics had just kept in the original phrase, which we know they were thinking of, "heavy petting." It has been so underused, almost entirely forgotten, ever since we wrapped up the miniature sex-ed unit taught by gym teachers in fifth grade. You know I'm right. And of course, Lady Gaga must too, as she says she is educated in sex. Do you have a degree, my Lady? Or is this more of a life experience/apprenticeship situation? I assume the latter, but nevertheless I'm still curious. However, the real reason I object to this song is this line: "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick."
Are you serious? Can this really mean what I think it does? How, in one or two musical generations, did we go from The Beatles' innocent, "I want to hold your hand" to THIS. I tend to think if there is something you would never say to someone in real life, it should not be the chorus of a pop song. If you said to someone, "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick" and he responded affirmatively, that should be a sign to stay away. That is a sentence no one should say or hear.
Moving on, before I get too upset. The following song was blasting through the radio in a friend's car recently, when everyone suddenly got up in arms about a particular line. However, in my extensive research for this entry, I have found even more objectionable material in "Blame It (On the Alcohol)" by Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain.
a) Baby I would rather show you
What you been missing in your life when I get inside.
Good lord. If you are going to be a presumptuous womanizer, could you at least do it discreetly? Perhaps employ some literary devices to keep your motivations somewhat shrouded in mystery?
b) Fill another cup up
Feelin on yo butt what?
I guess not. The lyrics to many popular songs theses days fail to exceed the intellectual levels of most sixth-grade boys. Yo butt what!! Speaking of, where on earth is Sisqo?
c) She look me dead in the eye
Then my pants got bigga
This was the lyric that sent the girls in the car squealing. And not in a good way. Remember the swirling romance of Frank Sinatra's "Fly me to the moon" or the understated sexiness of Bob Dylan's "Lay Lady Lay"? THIS SONG IS NOT LIKE THAT.
I was going to close this entry with another song dissection, but after reading Flo rida's "Right round" lyrics, I am just completely exhausted. I know many of these songs are meant to be played in clubs, so singing about strippers and drinking is apropos. But am I the only one who feels her soul whither sometimes? When I'm driving around suburban Massachusetts, passing school children, historical sites, and Girl Scout bake sales, am I the only one who wishes for a little more Simon and Garfunkel and a little less Jesse McCartney and Ludacris?
Leave your favorite lyrics in the comments.
I'll start with the song I find most egregiously offensive, Lady Gaga's "Love Game." It's a well-known fact that Lady Gaga is certifiably insane, so maybe we can't expect her to have a conscience, or a brain...or integrity. Let's look at the following:
I'm on a mission
And it involves some heavy touching, yeah
You've indicated you're interest
I'm educated in sex, yes
Now I want it bad, want it bad
A love game, a love game
Uh, alrighty. Well, in case you weren't entirely sure what Lady G had been leading up to in the preceding verses, she's here to let you know it involves some heavy touching. I do wish that whoever wrote these fine lyrics had just kept in the original phrase, which we know they were thinking of, "heavy petting." It has been so underused, almost entirely forgotten, ever since we wrapped up the miniature sex-ed unit taught by gym teachers in fifth grade. You know I'm right. And of course, Lady Gaga must too, as she says she is educated in sex. Do you have a degree, my Lady? Or is this more of a life experience/apprenticeship situation? I assume the latter, but nevertheless I'm still curious. However, the real reason I object to this song is this line: "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick."
Are you serious? Can this really mean what I think it does? How, in one or two musical generations, did we go from The Beatles' innocent, "I want to hold your hand" to THIS. I tend to think if there is something you would never say to someone in real life, it should not be the chorus of a pop song. If you said to someone, "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick" and he responded affirmatively, that should be a sign to stay away. That is a sentence no one should say or hear.
Moving on, before I get too upset. The following song was blasting through the radio in a friend's car recently, when everyone suddenly got up in arms about a particular line. However, in my extensive research for this entry, I have found even more objectionable material in "Blame It (On the Alcohol)" by Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain.
a) Baby I would rather show you
What you been missing in your life when I get inside.
Good lord. If you are going to be a presumptuous womanizer, could you at least do it discreetly? Perhaps employ some literary devices to keep your motivations somewhat shrouded in mystery?
b) Fill another cup up
Feelin on yo butt what?
I guess not. The lyrics to many popular songs theses days fail to exceed the intellectual levels of most sixth-grade boys. Yo butt what!! Speaking of, where on earth is Sisqo?
c) She look me dead in the eye
Then my pants got bigga
This was the lyric that sent the girls in the car squealing. And not in a good way. Remember the swirling romance of Frank Sinatra's "Fly me to the moon" or the understated sexiness of Bob Dylan's "Lay Lady Lay"? THIS SONG IS NOT LIKE THAT.
I was going to close this entry with another song dissection, but after reading Flo rida's "Right round" lyrics, I am just completely exhausted. I know many of these songs are meant to be played in clubs, so singing about strippers and drinking is apropos. But am I the only one who feels her soul whither sometimes? When I'm driving around suburban Massachusetts, passing school children, historical sites, and Girl Scout bake sales, am I the only one who wishes for a little more Simon and Garfunkel and a little less Jesse McCartney and Ludacris?
Leave your favorite lyrics in the comments.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
See you around
Freshman year at SU, when I was still figuring out how to make friends and navigate university life, I often thought about how everyone said college would be the best four years of my life. At the time, I didn't believe it, and I sincerely hoped it wasn't true. I would stare out my dorm window at menacing gray skies, cold slabs of concrete, and huddled kids running from dorm to dining hall through the freezing rain. The outlook seemed grim. If the best four years of my life meant exhaustion, awkward living situations, and unfulfilling academics, then whatever was coming after graduation must be incredibly bleak.
Well four years later, my opinions have definitely changed. I graduated last weekend, and for the past few days, have said goodbye to some of my best friends. The moment I waited for for so long--getting a diploma and moving on--was suddenly the moment I dreaded the most. The summer before I arrived here, when I was worried about buying the right books, taking the best classes, and picking the most fitting majors, I remember my father told me that my line of thinking was way off base. He said college isn't so much about what you learn. It's who you meet and what you do that make the lasting impressions. Of course, I'm incredibly grateful for my education. In my time here, my mind has been tugged, stretched, pulled and expanded. I've gotten good at things I didn't know I could do and filled my brain with perspective and skills I'll use forever.
But leaving the classroom behind isn't what makes you cry. It's leaving the people. My dad was right about this one. I can get a degree in a lot of places, in a bunch of different ways. But I couldn't have made the friends or lived the life I did here anywhere else, and I'll never live like this again. A dozen friends won't live down the block, always ready to come over and watch a movie and split a bottle (box) of wine. There is no real-world equivalent to lying on the quad or heading to the bar and seeing every person on campus you know. Staying up until 3 a.m. to finish assignments has much less appeal when there's no one sitting next to you, sharing coffee and filling you in on Facebook updates.
So yes, leaving all of this is hard. Watching people slowly trickle away from campus is depressing. Packing up all over your things for the last time brings back every memory and makes you wish for just a few more days.
But there is relief. We're sad because we had four great years here. We're weepy and on edge because we're saying goodbye to people we love, people we didn't know a couple of years ago, but now, we can't fathom going more than a few weeks without them. We're crying when we say goodbye because we're so happy we got to be here, with each other. We lived a little bit, we learned a lot, and we're leaving with thousands of memories.
So it hurts to go. It's unbelievable that our time here is over. When I arrived freshman year, I felt like I was in the wrong place. Now I walk through campus and resent that a new class is coming in, and it's time to loosen my grip on a university and neighborhood that feels so familiar.
But every time I feel sad about it, I remember that the reason I feel that way is because I'm so grateful to have people and a place to be sad about leaving. When I pack up my last bag next week, the only thing I'll be able to think is how lucky I am to have been here.
Well four years later, my opinions have definitely changed. I graduated last weekend, and for the past few days, have said goodbye to some of my best friends. The moment I waited for for so long--getting a diploma and moving on--was suddenly the moment I dreaded the most. The summer before I arrived here, when I was worried about buying the right books, taking the best classes, and picking the most fitting majors, I remember my father told me that my line of thinking was way off base. He said college isn't so much about what you learn. It's who you meet and what you do that make the lasting impressions. Of course, I'm incredibly grateful for my education. In my time here, my mind has been tugged, stretched, pulled and expanded. I've gotten good at things I didn't know I could do and filled my brain with perspective and skills I'll use forever.
But leaving the classroom behind isn't what makes you cry. It's leaving the people. My dad was right about this one. I can get a degree in a lot of places, in a bunch of different ways. But I couldn't have made the friends or lived the life I did here anywhere else, and I'll never live like this again. A dozen friends won't live down the block, always ready to come over and watch a movie and split a bottle (box) of wine. There is no real-world equivalent to lying on the quad or heading to the bar and seeing every person on campus you know. Staying up until 3 a.m. to finish assignments has much less appeal when there's no one sitting next to you, sharing coffee and filling you in on Facebook updates.
So yes, leaving all of this is hard. Watching people slowly trickle away from campus is depressing. Packing up all over your things for the last time brings back every memory and makes you wish for just a few more days.
But there is relief. We're sad because we had four great years here. We're weepy and on edge because we're saying goodbye to people we love, people we didn't know a couple of years ago, but now, we can't fathom going more than a few weeks without them. We're crying when we say goodbye because we're so happy we got to be here, with each other. We lived a little bit, we learned a lot, and we're leaving with thousands of memories.
So it hurts to go. It's unbelievable that our time here is over. When I arrived freshman year, I felt like I was in the wrong place. Now I walk through campus and resent that a new class is coming in, and it's time to loosen my grip on a university and neighborhood that feels so familiar.
But every time I feel sad about it, I remember that the reason I feel that way is because I'm so grateful to have people and a place to be sad about leaving. When I pack up my last bag next week, the only thing I'll be able to think is how lucky I am to have been here.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Spread the word
A few weeks ago, Paige tweeted about a site called SaveTheWords.org, and since then, I've been a woman possessed. The site is powered by the Oxford Dictionary, and features words that have been stricken from new editions. They do this with the idea that if people learn, remember and use them, the words will be saved.
Well never have I heard a more romantic idea. I understand that dictionaries are intended to reflect the current lexicon--words that people know, use and understand. Sometimes words get dropped from our speech, or lose their applicability to modern life. Language is an ever-evolving thing, and its changes should be reflected in the Bibl, uh I mean, dictionary. Each year, dictionaries add thousands of word. The 11th edition of Merriam Webster saw the addition of "drama queen" and "supersize" and "gastric bypass." This year they added "webinar" and "mental health day." Talk about reflecting cultural shifts. The most recent Oxford revisions added the words "mentee" and "celebutante."
But what about the words that were stricken? The thought of them disappearing makes me sad and anxious. It's like thinking about out of print books. People took the time to write and read them, and as the copies become rarer and harder to find, those works get lost and forgotten. SavetheWords says 90 percent of speech is communicated through 7,000 words.
That's not enough.
Go there and add to your vocabulary, work them into conversation. Or else I will be very misquemed.
Well never have I heard a more romantic idea. I understand that dictionaries are intended to reflect the current lexicon--words that people know, use and understand. Sometimes words get dropped from our speech, or lose their applicability to modern life. Language is an ever-evolving thing, and its changes should be reflected in the Bibl, uh I mean, dictionary. Each year, dictionaries add thousands of word. The 11th edition of Merriam Webster saw the addition of "drama queen" and "supersize" and "gastric bypass." This year they added "webinar" and "mental health day." Talk about reflecting cultural shifts. The most recent Oxford revisions added the words "mentee" and "celebutante."
But what about the words that were stricken? The thought of them disappearing makes me sad and anxious. It's like thinking about out of print books. People took the time to write and read them, and as the copies become rarer and harder to find, those works get lost and forgotten. SavetheWords says 90 percent of speech is communicated through 7,000 words.
That's not enough.
Go there and add to your vocabulary, work them into conversation. Or else I will be very misquemed.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Top 10 classroom personalities
Next week my college classes end for good, and I'm already feeling nostalgic. We take for granted how lucky we are to get an education, soaking up new information on a daily basis. I realized how lucky I was and how much I enjoyed learning last semester when I was home, and no one was teaching me anything besides how to withstand the unwelcome conversation of subway predators.
We like to think we'll do our own research and continue teaching ourselves things as we leave school behind and transition to adulthood, but once you sink into a rhythm and get used to the 9-5 work day, a lot of that ambition can fall by the wayside.
But my intention in writing today isn't to wax poetic about the intellectual gratification of a college education. Today I would like to bemoan the eventual loss of one of the best people-watching locales: the university classroom. Regular readers of this blog know that I'm a huge creeper, and I spend most of my day observing people around me. The college campus is a veritable treasure trove for my kind! New people are everywhere, and there's always a freak show to catch your attention. Here are some personalities I've categorized during my time creeping behind you in class...
TOP 10 CLASSROOM PERSONALITIES.
10. The Eater. You know the one, that skinny girl who sits in the corner and packs away enough food for a family of four by the time your 55-minute class is over. You've seen her in food.com, getting a stir fry, gummi worms, coffee, soda, a muffin, veggies and hummus,thus spending the equivalent of your entire weekly food budget on her afternoon snack. How can she stay so thin when she eats like Grendel? Also, The Eater's binges never seem to coincide with actual meal times, just normal mid-morning or afternoon snacktimes when the common man would have a granola bar or an apple. What do these people eat at dinner? My guess is a gaggle of kindergarteners.
9. The Sick One. That person who always has a deadly hacking cough, all year around, without fail. The phelgmy discharges are ear-splittingly audible no matter where you sit, and the urge to sanitize every surface keeps you from focusing on your professor's lesson.
8. The Loud One. These people talk all through class, thinking they're whispering, but in reality they are speaking at or above normal speaking volume. They rummage through their bags, slam every possesion onto the desk, crinkle their bag of Fritos with complete disregard for the racket that it's causing. They go to the bathroom in the middle of lecture, chair screeching, feet scuffling, door slamming. Hi, we hear you.
7. The Sleepy One. Not only does this person typically sleep through the entire class, but for the few second they're awake, the circles under their eyes make you feel so bad for them that you avoid participating in class because you see how badly they need sleep. The coffee on their desk goes untouched; they were out cold within minutes of purchasing it. You wonder what type of hours these people keep that they are always dysfunctional from sleep deprivation. All night benders? Obnoxious roommate? Tumultuous relationship? Maybe they do all of their studying between midnight and 7 a.m.?
6. The Stupid One. These people are often the most bold in their question asking, which only leads the entire class to shift uncomfortably every time The Stupid Ones raise their hands, wincing in anticipation of the idiocy that is about to flow forth. I like to think there's no such thing as a stupid question, but I've heard a few. Once, during a health policy class discussion about HIV transmission during genital mutiliation in places where clitorectomies are frequently performed with sticks, rocks, etc., a girl asked, "Wait, how do rocks carry HIV?" She should not be allowed to get a college degree.
5. The Belligerently Angry One. This person has to disagree with everything the professor said, and do so with fervent authority. Everything seems to offend him, and no student statement can go uncontested. The Belligerently Angry One is always disgruntled and most importantly, always right. Just like a closely-related cousin,The Know-It-All. Every statement begins with something like, "During my internship at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation" or "In the honors program we..." or "Actually, that's not true because when I was on an archaelogical dig in Egypt..." I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Shut it."
4. The Lonely One. The person is determined to be your friend. I attract a lot of these, due to my friendly disposition and the magnet lodged deep within me that pulls in the affection of strangers. The Lonely Ones gravitate toward you for group work, wave at you when you're with friends in public, invite you to their birthday parties. This person loves you, and you're not sure how to handle it.
3. The Mute Genius. That unassuming student who doesn't speak a word the whole semester, and then raises her hand to answer one question and delivers the most informed, eloquent answer you've ever heard. Even the professor is amazed. What does that student think while the rest of us sit half-awake bumbling through answers we make up as we go along because doing the reading is too much trouble? Would that person like to peer edit my paper?
2. The Late Comer. You're 45 minute into the 80 minute class, and this bozo wanders in. Why bother coming? You've missed most of lecture and you look like a dumbass. If you can't make it within 10 minutes of the class's start time, stay home. No one will miss you.
1. The Talker with the Annoying Figures of Speech. The only person who contributes in your 9:30 class on Friday, and he has an answer for everything. He keeps the focus off of the other students, but unfortunately his language is peppered with two or three phrases he uses non-stop. Some favorites: To piggyback off that point..., saying "like" every third word, or using grammatically incorrect phrases like "If they would have known" instead of "If they had known" on repeat. You start participating just so no one has to listen to him talk anymore. The Talker with the Annoying Figures of Speech has a twin, The Talker Who Speaks at a Glacial Pace. If you leave 10 seconds between every word, I prohibit you from speaking.
Who are your fave classroom personalities? Who did I leave out?
We like to think we'll do our own research and continue teaching ourselves things as we leave school behind and transition to adulthood, but once you sink into a rhythm and get used to the 9-5 work day, a lot of that ambition can fall by the wayside.
But my intention in writing today isn't to wax poetic about the intellectual gratification of a college education. Today I would like to bemoan the eventual loss of one of the best people-watching locales: the university classroom. Regular readers of this blog know that I'm a huge creeper, and I spend most of my day observing people around me. The college campus is a veritable treasure trove for my kind! New people are everywhere, and there's always a freak show to catch your attention. Here are some personalities I've categorized during my time creeping behind you in class...
TOP 10 CLASSROOM PERSONALITIES.
10. The Eater. You know the one, that skinny girl who sits in the corner and packs away enough food for a family of four by the time your 55-minute class is over. You've seen her in food.com, getting a stir fry, gummi worms, coffee, soda, a muffin, veggies and hummus,thus spending the equivalent of your entire weekly food budget on her afternoon snack. How can she stay so thin when she eats like Grendel? Also, The Eater's binges never seem to coincide with actual meal times, just normal mid-morning or afternoon snacktimes when the common man would have a granola bar or an apple. What do these people eat at dinner? My guess is a gaggle of kindergarteners.
9. The Sick One. That person who always has a deadly hacking cough, all year around, without fail. The phelgmy discharges are ear-splittingly audible no matter where you sit, and the urge to sanitize every surface keeps you from focusing on your professor's lesson.
8. The Loud One. These people talk all through class, thinking they're whispering, but in reality they are speaking at or above normal speaking volume. They rummage through their bags, slam every possesion onto the desk, crinkle their bag of Fritos with complete disregard for the racket that it's causing. They go to the bathroom in the middle of lecture, chair screeching, feet scuffling, door slamming. Hi, we hear you.
7. The Sleepy One. Not only does this person typically sleep through the entire class, but for the few second they're awake, the circles under their eyes make you feel so bad for them that you avoid participating in class because you see how badly they need sleep. The coffee on their desk goes untouched; they were out cold within minutes of purchasing it. You wonder what type of hours these people keep that they are always dysfunctional from sleep deprivation. All night benders? Obnoxious roommate? Tumultuous relationship? Maybe they do all of their studying between midnight and 7 a.m.?
6. The Stupid One. These people are often the most bold in their question asking, which only leads the entire class to shift uncomfortably every time The Stupid Ones raise their hands, wincing in anticipation of the idiocy that is about to flow forth. I like to think there's no such thing as a stupid question, but I've heard a few. Once, during a health policy class discussion about HIV transmission during genital mutiliation in places where clitorectomies are frequently performed with sticks, rocks, etc., a girl asked, "Wait, how do rocks carry HIV?" She should not be allowed to get a college degree.
5. The Belligerently Angry One. This person has to disagree with everything the professor said, and do so with fervent authority. Everything seems to offend him, and no student statement can go uncontested. The Belligerently Angry One is always disgruntled and most importantly, always right. Just like a closely-related cousin,The Know-It-All. Every statement begins with something like, "During my internship at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation" or "In the honors program we..." or "Actually, that's not true because when I was on an archaelogical dig in Egypt..." I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Shut it."
4. The Lonely One. The person is determined to be your friend. I attract a lot of these, due to my friendly disposition and the magnet lodged deep within me that pulls in the affection of strangers. The Lonely Ones gravitate toward you for group work, wave at you when you're with friends in public, invite you to their birthday parties. This person loves you, and you're not sure how to handle it.
3. The Mute Genius. That unassuming student who doesn't speak a word the whole semester, and then raises her hand to answer one question and delivers the most informed, eloquent answer you've ever heard. Even the professor is amazed. What does that student think while the rest of us sit half-awake bumbling through answers we make up as we go along because doing the reading is too much trouble? Would that person like to peer edit my paper?
2. The Late Comer. You're 45 minute into the 80 minute class, and this bozo wanders in. Why bother coming? You've missed most of lecture and you look like a dumbass. If you can't make it within 10 minutes of the class's start time, stay home. No one will miss you.
1. The Talker with the Annoying Figures of Speech. The only person who contributes in your 9:30 class on Friday, and he has an answer for everything. He keeps the focus off of the other students, but unfortunately his language is peppered with two or three phrases he uses non-stop. Some favorites: To piggyback off that point..., saying "like" every third word, or using grammatically incorrect phrases like "If they would have known" instead of "If they had known" on repeat. You start participating just so no one has to listen to him talk anymore. The Talker with the Annoying Figures of Speech has a twin, The Talker Who Speaks at a Glacial Pace. If you leave 10 seconds between every word, I prohibit you from speaking.
Who are your fave classroom personalities? Who did I leave out?
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